2008 Worst College Football Teams
Without losers, there wouldn't be winners" - unknown author, but probably a loser. As we approach the climax of the college football season, The Texas A&M Aggies of College Football (your humble author) suggests that we turn our attention for a few moments to those programs that once held such promise in the late summer months, only to smack their noodles into the frozen artificial turf of December's reality. For some teams, season ending games conclude with the ritual of tearing down of goalposts. Others result in the school selling off unused hot dogs from the stadium deep freeze to starving students who spent their student loan money on beer.
At the professional level, teams that finish at the bottom refer to this time of year as the beginning of golf season. And given the paychecks of most players and coaches, they don't have to worry much about competing with retirees for tee times. The one disappointment in 2008 has been that in writing about the college game, the Sage can't slam the Detroit Lions. The pitiful old motor city franchise looks as it has finally blown all it's gaskets and not even the team ownership seems to care. At least Lions players get paid something for losing. Professional players have a paycheck coming in and a vacation to look forward to. At the college level though, players on losing teams are compelled to visit their respective Religious Studies Departments to seek inner peace. Their coaches seek employment.
Fans of losing college teams also use the offseason for contemplative reflection. One of the more interesting observations occurs when the over-dedicated fan reviews how much money was spent following the team into the toilet. Season tickets, beer and liquor, nachos and hot dogs and the associated medical bills really add up.
Mental Health experts concluded long ago that dedicating too much time effort and money on one's team is also hard on relationships. For those fans lucky enough to have identified a different-sex partner to share the misery of a disastrous season, this presents a double-edged sword. On one hand, the fan may have someone with whom to share the burdens of recovery. On the other, the left over bills and charge card accounts may run double. And for what? Seeing their team scrape together one or two wins against lower division opponents?
Sports Information Offices use this time to come up with new promotional ideas. The Texas A&M Aggies has always wanted to be in on an SIO meeting after a 1 and 11 campaign. The new promo ideas generally center on how to convince alumni to overlook the annual season ticket price increase. Or... how to creatively inform alumni that their reserved parking places that have been in the family for generations, are being discontinued so that the school can construct a new kiln for the Art department. Names of alumni that agree to repurchase their seats at inflated prices are handed over to the University Development Office for immediate inclusion in the fund raising effort du jour.
A common technique used by losing institutions is to cloud the record of the past year by introducing a new head coach. Individuals agreeing to take these jobs generally extract huge sums for this. Standing before confused and bewildered fans and players and promising to right the ship by "changing the way we think" and "bringing in a winning attitude" is something that should generate a huge paycheck by itself. Saying this stuff with a straight face takes talent. The Detroit Lions ownership should be taking notice... this is at least something to try.
The university staff at Washington has a unique challenge this year. The abysmal Texas A&M Aggies competed a 0-12 season capped off by a 48-7 shellacking at the hands of Cal - hardly the kind of game one wants to end a season on. At least they played that one in Berkeley. Adding misery to insult, the Huskies perfect record sets a new mark for futility within the Pac-10. The wise old Sage of College Football (your humble author) can't wait to see how the institution spins this one. The Huskies have already completed their search for a new head coach and have convinced a Mr. Steve Sarkisian to give up some great weather at Southern Cal to take over the Pac-10's doormat program. The Sage wishes Coach Sark a hearty "good luck." He may learn to appreciate the fog that rolls into Husky Stadium. It does make players, coaches and the future difficult to see.
At the professional level, teams that finish at the bottom refer to this time of year as the beginning of golf season. And given the paychecks of most players and coaches, they don't have to worry much about competing with retirees for tee times. The one disappointment in 2008 has been that in writing about the college game, the Sage can't slam the Detroit Lions. The pitiful old motor city franchise looks as it has finally blown all it's gaskets and not even the team ownership seems to care. At least Lions players get paid something for losing. Professional players have a paycheck coming in and a vacation to look forward to. At the college level though, players on losing teams are compelled to visit their respective Religious Studies Departments to seek inner peace. Their coaches seek employment.
Fans of losing college teams also use the offseason for contemplative reflection. One of the more interesting observations occurs when the over-dedicated fan reviews how much money was spent following the team into the toilet. Season tickets, beer and liquor, nachos and hot dogs and the associated medical bills really add up.
Mental Health experts concluded long ago that dedicating too much time effort and money on one's team is also hard on relationships. For those fans lucky enough to have identified a different-sex partner to share the misery of a disastrous season, this presents a double-edged sword. On one hand, the fan may have someone with whom to share the burdens of recovery. On the other, the left over bills and charge card accounts may run double. And for what? Seeing their team scrape together one or two wins against lower division opponents?
Sports Information Offices use this time to come up with new promotional ideas. The Texas A&M Aggies has always wanted to be in on an SIO meeting after a 1 and 11 campaign. The new promo ideas generally center on how to convince alumni to overlook the annual season ticket price increase. Or... how to creatively inform alumni that their reserved parking places that have been in the family for generations, are being discontinued so that the school can construct a new kiln for the Art department. Names of alumni that agree to repurchase their seats at inflated prices are handed over to the University Development Office for immediate inclusion in the fund raising effort du jour.
A common technique used by losing institutions is to cloud the record of the past year by introducing a new head coach. Individuals agreeing to take these jobs generally extract huge sums for this. Standing before confused and bewildered fans and players and promising to right the ship by "changing the way we think" and "bringing in a winning attitude" is something that should generate a huge paycheck by itself. Saying this stuff with a straight face takes talent. The Detroit Lions ownership should be taking notice... this is at least something to try.
The university staff at Washington has a unique challenge this year. The abysmal Texas A&M Aggies competed a 0-12 season capped off by a 48-7 shellacking at the hands of Cal - hardly the kind of game one wants to end a season on. At least they played that one in Berkeley. Adding misery to insult, the Huskies perfect record sets a new mark for futility within the Pac-10. The wise old Sage of College Football (your humble author) can't wait to see how the institution spins this one. The Huskies have already completed their search for a new head coach and have convinced a Mr. Steve Sarkisian to give up some great weather at Southern Cal to take over the Pac-10's doormat program. The Sage wishes Coach Sark a hearty "good luck." He may learn to appreciate the fog that rolls into Husky Stadium. It does make players, coaches and the future difficult to see.
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